just read it

If we can do well by ourselves, why do we go thru so much trouble to do bad with someone else? some of us would even defy all logical reasoning to be with someone even when we know that they are doing us wrong. is the humans need to be with someone so great that we would persecute ourselves to no be lonely? i think so, and i believe that most people do. that’s why we find someone we think is compatible, and learn their “faults,” and their “flaws”(which arent real. they are just conflicting character traits) and live with it. but why do things fall apart? is it because we think that the flaws, as it were, would fade or change? i cant think of why anyone would think that. these are traits that a instilled in the person through a lifetime of person interactions. we get mad at them for things we know they do, but why? that’s like getting mad a dog for barking. you knew before, you know now, and know in the future that it will do it; youve lived with it for this long, so why act like its going to change? why act surprised when it continues. the most that will happen, if they take you into major consideration, is that it wont happen around you as much, but it still happens. i suppose that’s just to stop the conflict, or the arguing. the thing that people dont seem to realize is that you can stop arguing, but you cant stop conflict. im frankly sick and fucking tired of arguing. more specifically, over the same shit. dont misunderstand; “the same shit” is the saying the same conversation over and over, its because its technically started be what i do over and over……..which is talk about it. essentially, the conflict is what makes me want to say something, although i dont have to, cause conflict doesnt cause argument. but the second i say something, it turns into an argument. in actuality, i dont mind an argument. “arguments” by nature are just verbal or written disagreement, a point/counter point situation. we all argue all the time, but would rather sugar-coat it as a discussion, because if the negative connotation of the word. what i mind, though, are the arguments that brought about this negative connotation; what i mind are the arguments that get us no where. the arguments that have one so committed to saying their part/proving their point/being right that the conflict can never properly settled. i go thru this almost everyday. i try to make a dialog so that things can resolve, but it just ends up being dictated. the stress associated with it is…..(believe it or not, i dont know the word)…..ahhh….opprobrious. my life has been so stressful growing up that, even as pessimistic as i can seem, i, at least, try to be as optimistic as possible, even if it isn’t aloud. this whole zen buddhist thing is all its cracked up to be. i take everything with a grain of salt, so im at risk for high blood pressure. i turn the other cheek, and all four are swollen. i cant even see the point of getting even anymore. “eye for an eye, and the whole world goes blind.” i suppose that’s why i write so much stuff. this is the only safe way to vent, unless you talk about dumbass bush. yes, i rambled, but i was venting….and no i didnt proof read, or edit, i just wrote what my stream of consciousness told me to.

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