What’s it feel like?

Niggas have feelings, that are just as sensitive(if not more) as a females. Yeah guys tend not to show it, but I sure do. I don’t see anything wrong with shedding a tear, showing my feelings, or talking about them. I don’t feel weak because I cry over shit, nor do I feel emasculated writing it . I wear my heart on my sleeve, and its not like I’m pround of it, but I damn sure don’t feel ashamed. I’m human. I can’t say I cry everyday, or over everything. But when it comes time to shed a silent tear or two, I do it without remorse. When its time to weep, ill grab one and weep. When I need a shoulder to cry on, they’ll leave with a wet shoulder. Who cares. A person who can’t show emotion, is a pitiful sight to see. I say that to say that I’m depressed now, and have been for a while. I’ve been up and down, and lately, and this roller coaster is tiring. I wanna get off, but I can’t seem to. I’ve been in a stoop most of my life, and as shit is just going the way I want it, I come back down. Though I’m not ashamed to be down, I don’t wanna be, mostly because I still have to be a pillar of strength for the one I love most. I’ve been so down lately that I may appear to be weak to her. Or maybe she really recognizing that I’ve been down for this long and that’s not the case. More over, if we are both down, she may not take it the same way I do, and then again I can appear weak. I’m far from a bully in a relationship, and I’m definitely not one to be bullied(from my significant other or not), but I’ve been so low that I feel insignificant, and feel like I’m being pushed around. I don’t feel like a man, right now. I feel like a little boy. And I can’t seem to snap out of it. I could try to just harden up, but my loved one is in such a position that she’ll take that the wrong way. I don’t wanna come soft(or softer than I’ve already been), look like I’m pusher her away, be bullied, be a bully, or do anything adverse. I want to be understood, taken seriously, and get back to my old self.
Wondering about the title? Well, originally, I was gunna say what things felt like, or ask, and compare personal answers with those of who(m)ever answers. I won’t ask anymore. That’s too personal. But my answers are, I feel:
•ugly
•unattractive
•untrusted
•unloved
•like a failure
•stupid
Its not any one cause, or one person that makes me feel how I am. And I can’t say that there the cause is more one thing or person, than another. What I can say is that I’ve been getting a little more than usual from many sources, and its weighing my soul down. I find myself catching feelings about shit that’s nowhere near worth it. To make matters worse, the past keeps coming back, unlocked from whatever box I kept it closed in. Its just so much. I know I can bounce back, I just don’t know how long it will take.

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