This ♀ is something else. She's in a worse position with me than ever.
I'm stuck between to feelings(wish I could remember the word for that).
Cause even though I really don't wanna see her name pop anywhere,
I'd love to see that she was being honest with her "I'll be around
whether you like it, or not" comment. I wanna be with her, but I'm not
gunna have a child with her. Not after everything she's put me
thru(plus, I wasn't gunna even commit to it for a while, anyway. I want
to be 30-35. I just wanna be at a certain point in my life). This is one
of the main reasons I say I don't want kids. I don't wanna put a child
in a position like that. I was a child in a family where the chick
couldn't get her mind , and the father hated the chick so much he
wasn't around. That's fucked . I'd say that's accidental, so I
wouldn't do it on purpose. And on the other hand, I'm not gunna raise a
child whom I look at, and see that other niggas face. I don't have
anything against him, per se, but I hate that he's around. He's the
reason I can't have what I want. But chances are, if it wasn't him, it
would be someone else, cause this bitch never gave me the #1 spot. Its
forever reserved for this niggas, and that other bitch(1 per gender).
I gave her the chance to put me as #1 or lose me forever, and she
chose the latter(that's getting the cake)…..then tried to say she's
still gunna be round("eating it too"). I don't believe for a second that
she really will, but the nerve of her to say that shit. Don't get me
wrong, I truly feel that given the correct circumstances, anyone can be
forgiven (to a certain extent) for any wrong committed, but the nerve of
that shit. It would have been so much more moving to do it, and not say
that shit. Now it looks like she's saying it to prove a point to
herself, more than for me. It looks like a pride thing. If she does do
it, and it seems sincere, it may look good, but she's never really been
there for me(besides acting, and playing a part when her real love
interest wasn't around/acting ), and I don't expect her to start.
I'm so pissed, upset, and emotional over this shit. I need to let go,
and just say fuck it. Maybe deleting shit will make me feel better. She
never hesitated to delete everything about me. Iono why I still have any
of that shit still saved.
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