I really see that she wants to make herself feel better. She wants the
fact to change from her growing and then hitting me, to me taking
time to myself and then hitting her . She emails me with a message
saying that it will be the last time we speak, unless I hit her . My
first thought is:
"No. No. No. You don't get to make statements like that. I didn't fuck
. Last time I said you need time to yourself, you tried to pull the
same shit. Why am I coming to you if you fucked ? How am I trying to
mend a relationship when you fucked ? That's what I've been doing for
the past year. It doesn't seem to do much but reinforce your fuck ups,
cause you're forgiven to an extent. If you want anything to do with me
in the least, you'll take time and mature, and then hit me . And if I
feel like it; if I want to be bothered with trying; if I feel (after
however long it takes) that I want you in my life, we'll take it from
there. Otherwise, I'm not worried about." (Long 1st thought, huh?)
So I typed (the gist of) it.
I mean, really. I can't wrap my brain around wanting to hit her ,
after this year. Just this year alone. Cause last year wasn't a walk in
the park, but this year just has me jaded. The unstable should want to
check on the stable(hopefully AFTER becoming stable themselves). I
just view this as her wanting me around, but not wanting to be named the
REASON for us not communicating. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still
(believe it or not) love her to death. I'm gunna wonder about her, and
think about her, and she'll cross my mind, but I'm not gunna hit her
. Cause if I do, I'll be inviting her back into my life. And if I
re-invite her to my life, and she's still the same person she is
now—BOOM!!—2008 all over again. If we can't have a HEALTHY
relationship, then we shouldn't have one at all.
And you remember when I said I don't believe that whole, "I'm still
gunna hit you on the holidays, I don't care, you're still gunna get
a girft" bs? Well, that email effectively reneged on that statement,
apparently. Nothing she says can be held to truth for long. The truth
value dissipates as she's says it. I foresaw this, and typed it, and it
came thru. When will she prove me wrong? (º_º)
Welp. Nothing to do except watch the rest of my ex's get pregnant.
It seems to be the trend. That's a whole new level of responsibility I'm
not ready for….its funny. Apparently people see the potential for me
to be a great parent, because I hear so many nice things coming from my
pregnant ex's. Like, "why couldn't it have been yours?" and even, "if I
would have stayed with you, I wouldn't have gotten knocked (for a
second time)"—yes, she said it to me BOTH times she got pregnant.
Life is funny. When its not there, that when you want it the most.
Lol. Maybe someday, my presence in someone's present will be treated
like…..a present……(lol, I guess.)…..I'm not looking back to my
past, so if you want to be in my future, catch !!!™
—(Where does he come with this stuff?)—
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I don't have friends and foes
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