This is actually a post….

I started on weeks ago—12/14/08—(…………now its months…….I
forget the tag for strike out, so I resolved to use a parenthetical
statement…….), but never finished, and subsequently never posted. In
light of recent actions, I didn't feel it necessary to finish it, so it
sat in my email's draft section. Then I thought, "I hate destroying my
work(as I look at a lot of what I write as prose), and it doesn't do me
much good just sitting in my draft folder," so I'm publishing it.

MAJOR note……since this is an unfinished, and I don't see myself
finishing it, it still has my "notes" in it, and may contain fragments,
and a few dots with no apparent connections……maybe I'll finish it,
and post it in a new entry…….maybe not. I'm not big on time
now-a-days. I'll try, cause I think finished, this post would
be……better, for lack of a better word/phrase. /MAJOR note <—-geek

….come to think of it, maybe I'll write a memoir, and include all my
blog posts in it….or just make a book of my

As bad as it sounds, I'm glad my girl is going thru the same shit, cause
that means I'm not unique to this experience. I was especially surprised
to hear she also couldn't fuck because of the "thoughts bombarded by the
ex(where none of the thoughts are sexual)" syndrome. So, apparently
more than one person is channeling <a
target="_blank">Kanye West from "Heartless."</a> And even a dude can
channel Beyonce in her song "Like a Boy."(didn't feel like finding it).
Even my chick channeled all the worst parts of the song, and I the best.
I understand. But that's besides the point.

And I've been channeling John Legend from "Ordinary People," but she's
obvious stuck in the mind of Amy Winehouse in "No Good." So I've lately
I've been Young Zee in "Fuck Ya'll Niggas"(his portion of the chorus,
only). And I've been remixing Luther Vandross with some other artists,
too. "Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby? And you said
you'd be back this way again. Baby, baby, baby baby oohh baby…..I love
you" "but leave me the fuck alone." Lol. Its funny, but not that funny.

I must be as obsessed as I said she was…..or this is just me loving
her more than anyone else I have. I mean, she's taken a part of me that
I don't think I'll get back anytime soon. I mean, "thru the fire, to the
limit, to the wall for a chance to be with you, I'd gladly risk it all."
And have…..cause "I love[d] you." I said it more than Lenny Williams.
And I meant it more each time I said it. We used to "freak between the
sheets," until you "creep'd." "Crazy, sexy, cool" was effectively
shortened to crazy, while I fought with being "crazy in love" with your
crazy ass. Now Keyshia Cole is mad relatable with she sings "I changed
my mind. I don't love you. I don't love you no more," even though you
can't choose who you love, why you love them, or when you stop loving
them. I don't think the other party chooses that either, but I think
they play a larger part in it than anybody does/can.

Now, I'm in the field trying to get ♀s to understand that "I wanna be
loved, not for who you think I am, not who you want me to be [but to]
love me only for me." And immediately after, they ask me how much money
I have, or become impressed because I'm in a lucrative career.

"What ever you want, is all  with me" babyface/whip appeal
Ooo baby I love your ways

"I aint hen pegged. As long as I get what I'm getting"
"Just a friend" biz markie

I figured that there are different types of people who have these
classifiers. People who need help, those who don't need help, those who
want help, and those that don't want help; and those who are helpers. I
ran into a chick who has to help others apparently, cause the dude she
chose can't help himself, from what she says. And she doesn't want my
help, even though she could have used it much of the time. But that's
odd to think about because, she'd NOT help me so much. And I'd ask for
it, or hint at it, etc.

And just a note, "help" is inclusive to general care taking, and
mothering, etc.

I swear to god my love life is like having <a
target="_blank">Track 6 on John Legend's 1st record on repeat.</a>

Its sad, actually.


I gotta laugh to keep from killing someone. Lmmfao….true story.

I used to say I'm the only soundtrack to my life, but its no longer
true. I just think I'm the better of them all.

I wish I wrote <a href="">"this"</a> -Music Lovers Unite!! Join Us. Its FREE!!!
I don't have friends and foes
I have family and enemies

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