Two people, so far, have let me know that what I’ve already known….I’m
not over her…..and that they’re missing out on a good thing because
its OBVIOUS my attention is taken….these girls hate me…..and as much
as I like them, and try to show them the attention they deserve, I’m
so—what’s the word?….(gotta look this one up)—bemused, so, so,
so…..concerned…..my heart is such that, honestly, if I were with a
girl (who wasn’t interested in being with Karma), and Karma called, I’d
feel that I need to help. I wouldn’t drop the new girl, but,
nevertheless, it wouldn’t be fair to her.
All of this, and I’ve never seen her fully commit herself to me. She was
gunna leave me for a chick, but the said she didn’t wanna impose. She
(left) me for a dude who was a deadbeat, and cheated on her. And now
I’m at a cross roads.
For one thing, I’m glad that the losers and low-life’s are no longer in
her circle….(even though if precedence means a things anything, its
not for long)…..but its sad to see that so many people she puts her
trust in are letting her (down)…..that’s all I’ll say on
that…..but back to my last comment….its prolly not gunna be long
until I hear about Jared and Toya again. Jared still texts her, and as
much as she says she doesn’t reply, I know she does. She only admits to
replying when its convenient to a story arc. His pictures and THEIR
pictures are still available on all websites for the world to see (even
the ONE site that she deleted him from)…..and this is when all my pix
were taken (down) at our break (up)…….immediately…..even on
I mean…..can I really complain? I’m not her bf. There’s no promise of
us hooking back (up)…..but god, I hate seeing her do this shit to
herself…..and I miss her…..so I’m complaining……
And now, I wonder how her though process has changed (if it has),
because EVERYTHING she’s done to me, and EVERYTHING she’s put me
thru….and the way she MADE ME FEEL over the last leg of our
relationship, is coming back on her(or being realized…..finally….).
These last months, she been telling how she feels, and what people have
said or done, and its like I’m talking to myself. I feel like I’m
hearing the audio version of my blog. She feels alone, lonely, lied to,
betrayed, cheated, etc. I hate to say “I told you so,” but I don’t want
her to forget that I’ve been thru all this, and I know EXACTLY how she
feels….because you did it to me already. I’ve been warning you, and
have seen what was going on and what was gunna happen because YOU DID IT
TO ME ALREADY!!! I hate that anything bad would happen to you, but,
good. Karma is a good force, especially if it comes in timely manner.
Maybe this will be enough to teach you some empathy…..teach you not to
do this to me (anyone) again.
I hope this leads to us being better for the experience, and having a
I’ll keep letting you know, every time you mention something, that I
know EXACTLY how you feel, cause I don’t want you to mistake, even for a
second, that you didn’t put me thru the exact same thing.
I’m capable of forgiveness, but I’m not able to for shit.
On my Zen Buddhist Shit……….(¬_¬)…..
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I don’t have friends and foes
I have family and enemies