What am I done with?
—You'll see later—
But first: she wants to keep her distance…..cause I posted something
when I was pissed, and didn't change it(I don't feel like going into it,
but just know I fucked . I was wrong….I did it again…..sigh….).
I forgot about it…..I posted how we made , and went to sleep. I
wake , put things into perspective, and write some more. Then I sit
her , apologize and just be frank and blunt, and concise. I let her
know EXACTLY what I want. I'm being sincere. But its all out the window
because I didn't think about my status message…..and because I made my
Flash forward, and I'm being ignored. And she lays out the "I don't care
what you do," sentence again……and I believe her this time. That's
it. I never believed her before. But I believe her now. She said she
loves me less….and I believe her. I don't know what to think or do.
So….I'm just gunna give her what she wants…..
So what am I done with?
No more posting. Apparently its better to internalize my
thoughts…..let them fester…..and create a tumor….
As a matter of public record: 1)I tend to post negative thoughts
only…..I use my blog to vent 99% of the time….so if you never read
about the resolution, that's because I don't 'vent' resolutions. 2) I
ORIGINALLY started my blog with the sole purpose of sharing my
(troubled) thoughts with Alesia. We have communication issues, and it
try to help curve that, I started writing my thoughts…..without
♪……so that shit could tune into channel Nobi at her leasure. I got
a bit over zealous, and my blog open to the public—which a
couple people anry. I resolved to only let a select few people read
it…..a total of 6 to date……and I still kept getting complaints, so
I made it private…..got more complaints, so I'm posting my last
thoughts here, making it public, and forgetting about it…..maybe some
funny things, but fuck everything else. I'm keeping my thoughts between
me an my fucking email account. My thoughts get me into trouble. I think
its better that I just stop while I'm behind. I only allowed people to
read it cause I wanted comments, but virtually noone commented on it any
fucking way, so fuck it…..I only get private complaints….not
public/semi-private comments….maybe one day, I'll do it again, but no
time soon…..I think….I need a real therapist….can't rely on
internet mofo for a damn thing…..need real friends…..time to
systematically delete ya'll mofo's…..starting with Edidiong…..
The only thing I know for sure that I'm posting after this is my list of
thoughts that's I'm taking months to complete…..maybe I'll just post
what I have to be quick about it……my incomplete thoughts seem to be
worth as much as my complete ones……..(empty set)…….well…..my
thoughts mean something to me, if anything…..I wanna see how the list
ends….my blog might get published one day…..lol
If the Zen Buddhist thing doesn't work…..this entire blog will be my
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I don't have friends and foes
I have family and enemies